The greatest, most epic superhero battles of all time.
I wanna know what you guys think--Mike?
Kingdom come, Superman versus Shazam.
- Really good one. - Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna go with The Thing versus Hulk.
One of my all-time favorite adversaries.
Superman, Batman.
It's the obvious one. From what issue?
From, um...
I don't know, what issue was that?
- Dark Knight Returns number 4. - Yes.
Did you read it?
No, I heard about it. It's next on the list.
How are you telling me your all-time greatest battles
and you haven't even witnessed it?
I know, I heard about it third-hand.
I did, yeah. I heard about it third-hand.
All right, you're out of the running.
I don't even care what your thoughts are on it.
You got any?
Me versus my dad any given night.
[Laughter]
When he's drank too much
and doesn't want me in the house.
[Fantasy orchestration]
♪ ♪
[Roars]
[Screams]
[Machinegun firing]
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
Hello and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men,
the only show that's all about the comics business,
the business of comics, and everything
that makes someone a superfan.
I am Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson. - Walt Flanagan.
- Ming Chen. - And Michael Zapcic.
Of all the zombie movies that have been made,
what would you put at the top of your list?
I think that Night goes first.
Night Of The Living Dead.
It's your favorite zombie movie of all time, huh?
- Absolutely. - What about you, Ming?
Your favorite horror movie?
Favorite horror movie? Or favorite--
Just favorite horror movie.
Mine's always been Nightmare On Elm Street.
The first one.
That one's always freaked me out.
The notion of devil worship films
were terrifying to me, 'cause I was catholic.
My favorite of that genre is Race With The Devil,
where Peter Fonda and Warren Oates
witness a ritual killing in the woods.
They spend the rest of the movie being chased by satanists
in a winnebago.
Terrifying.
Instead of just trying to get away from the satanists,
they stop at a library to research satanism.
[Laughter]
Think about it, man-- like, that movie today--
essentially they wouldn't even have to stop at a library.
They could just, like-- while they're being chased
they could Google.
They could probably tweet the people chasing them, like,
"leave us alone."
- Right, yeah. - Hashtag, "we're scared."
So what's been going on this week?
Do you got a couple hours?
[Laughter]
- Do you have any of these? - Yeah, I've got all of those.
- I like that. - I bet you do.
[Laughs]
Hi, can I just take a look at the Giant-Size X-Men?
You sure can.
This just came in this week.
Very cool.
You've been looking for this one for a while?
Is it, like, a holy grail? Yeah, a little bit.
How long have you been looking?
Pretty much since I started collecting.
Like, a year and a half ago.
I'm pretty new at it myself.
He was into it when he was young.
I taught her everything she knows about comics.
That's really cool that you have that in common, though.
Yeah, it's nice.
A lot of guys--even some of us here before we got married
had the big rooms full of collectibles.
Then we got married, had kids. It shrunk down, shrunk down.
My wife would be, like, "this is where we eat and I don't want
to look at Wolverine while I'm eating."
Looking at Wolverine makes me hungry. I don't know.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, this is-- - [Laughs]
I find there's only one thing that stops anybody
from buying comic books.
- Well, maybe two things. - Bullets?
Money and their wife.
Cool head prevails-- somebody going, like,
"you don't need that, what are you gonna do with that?"
Exactly, yeah.
Oh, that's the enemy of all comic book stores, man.
It was the woman who wanted the books.
- Who wanted the book? - Yes.
She wanted it so-- she wanted a giant-size X-Men.
- She's gotta have it. - You gave it to her.
Yeah. I did.
[Laughter]
I did.
About how much is this going for?
- It's about a $900 book. - Right.
You really sound like a huge X-Men fan.
Mm-hmm.
Do you have a Hulk 180, 181?
- No, I would like those. - We have those here.
- You guys have those around? - We do.
Ooh, ooh, we all know what that is.
Hulk 180 is the first appearance of Wolverine ever in comics.
Like, the last page, last panel?
Last panel.
And then 181 is the first full-fledged Wolverine enters
the Marvel universe, and he's wearing--
It kind of looks like the Wolverine costume,
but a very Halloween costume version of it.
Yeah.
Doesn't look like classic wolvie,
but you can see wolvie in there.
Right.
This is, like, the holy grail of comics here.
- [Laughs] - It truly is.
Start with 180.
- ♪ Dun-dun-daa! ♪ - [Laughs]
This is such a hard-to-find book.
Especially in really good condition.
It's not as rare as this one.
It's pretty.
Very nice.
All right, so what's the damage on these?
- Do you wanna do a package? - Possibly.
'Cause I'm willing to make a deal.
Okay, what is your deal?
First appearance, first cameo. First full appearance.
And the first X-Men, giant-size.
Take all three of them off my hands...
$1,700.
That's a little more
than I was looking to spend reasonably today.
Can we see maybe what we could do
just for the giant-size and the 181?
I couldn't take less than $1,600 for the two.
Gotcha.
What I wanna say for both...
And you'll probably laugh in my face,
but I was thinking more like 1,200.
- No, I couldn't do that. - Yeah.
- I wouldn't laugh in your face, but, no, unfortunately I--
- the bottom number is-- - The bottom number is 16.
- 16. - Yeah.
16 for all three? Or just these two?
- 17 for all three. - Okay.
Actually this is a $300 book.
Right.
So you're getting a substantial savings.
I don't know, you gotta help me here.
Don't look at me.
I tell you what...
- It's like playing tennis. - It is.
All three...
1,600.
I think...
I think that's good.
[Laughs]
- Let's do it. - Let's do it.
- All right. - I'll wrap these up.
Ming, you wanna ring these nice folk?
- Absolutely. - Awesome.
1,600 even. There you go.
Pleasure doing business with you.
I am so glad that another geeky comic book couple
are out there.
- [Laughs] - Enjoy.
Nice to meet you, have a good one.
- You too. - Thank you so much.
- Nicely done, ming. - Give it up!
That was awesome.
I gotta give Ming and Mike props.
Um, you know, that was a big sale.
I mean, gotta be one of the biggest
in the store in a while, right?
All right, calm down.
I know, he starts boasting immediately.
Come on, I don't get this a lot, so thank you.
Thank you very much.
It seems like Ming's taking all the credit.
- Did you have any, uh--? - I had some input.
What was it-- A 50/50, 60/40? Just give me a percentage.
Give me a breakdown of this sale.
- Who takes more credit here? - 85/15.
- 85/15, you? - In your favor?
Yeah, but I'm giving it to me 'cause--
- Whoa! - Thank you.
You're welcome.
It would have been useful if you didn't tell us
that he did the poor job.
- True, but you know--
You're, like, "he sucked, but I'm throwing him this bone
'cause he needs a job."
[Laughter]
In any of the comics, TV show, movies,
anyplace superman has appeared,
do they ever show him using the bathroom?
No, I've never seen it addressed.
I mean, his digestive system is Kryptonian.
It's not a human being.
Say there's, like, just a little bit.
Like a couple rabbit pellets drop out once in a while.
Right.
Do you think you could, like, use them to fuel, like,
a nuclear power plant for, like, ten years?
- I would think so, yeah. - Just one superman dropping.
If terrorists got a hold of superman's crap
you could probably take out an entire country.
- Scat bomb. - [Chuckles]
Hey, I got something big.
I came up with the ultimate marketing idea
for the store.
Zombies. [Chuckling]
I think this is a marketable idea.
You know how, like, they did vampires in Twilight?
Well, we need to do a zombie teenage romance.
Kids falling in love and falling apart
at the same time.
Right, but a zombie's constantly decomposing.
Vampires are traditionally, like, super good-looking.
Right.
You know, tom cruise was a vampire.
Frank Langella was a vampire.
[Laughter]
- That's your go-to dude?
You're, like, Tom Cruise, Frank Langella.
These are the Draculas we all know!
You admit zombies are huge, right?
People are in love with zombies right now.
So let's use that to promote the store then.
"Zombie day."
Everything in the store, 20% off for one day.
With an awesome looking flyer featuring the four of us
dressed up as zombies, blood dripping off of us, decay.
I wanna get, like, a makeup artist in here
with prosthetics.
The picture of us dressed as zombies,
that'll draw them in.
The big thing that says "20% off,"
that'll keep 'em here.
So once people get here, we're not zombies?
Right.
You know what this reminds me of?
What?
The Spanish debacle.
Ming, uh, will try to run promotions.
He has had some success in the past,
but let's say more non-successes with promotions.
I'm kind of drawing a blank here on the successes.
The ones I remember are putting the ad
in the Spanish newspaper
for, like, what-- A month straight daily?
There's a large Latin population in this town.
Yeah.
I thought we could take advantage, hit that population.
We sell comics in English.
So if they come in they're, like,
"Do you have any comics in Spanish?"
And you're, like, "No."
But our flyer's in Spanish. [Laughter]
- It sounds murky. - It's not murky.
It's very cut and dry. Trust me.
Fine. Just... do something.
All right.
Whoa, looks like you got a Godzilla there.
Something that doesn't look quite right.
It looks like...
Oh, my God.
Remember you told me that you're looking
for original artwork?
We brought some pages for you to look at.
No way! No way!
- How you doin'? - Hi.
I'm actually looking to talk to someone about
trying to sell some stuff.
Whoa, looks like you got a Godzilla there, huh?
- Yeah. - All right, man.
Let's take it out of the box, let's take a look at it.
- You guys a couple, or-- - Yeah, we're engaged.
- Congrats. - Congratulations.
Thanks, we're looking to try and get some money
to help pay for the wedding.
Oh, yeah? Where'd you get it from?
My dad, like, during Christmas.
Like, almost 20 years ago.
It is one of the nicest pieces of Godzilla merchandise
I've seen me through the door here.
The only thing is is I'm not exactly sure
what its value is.
- Right. - Okay.
I know a guy in town who's a Godzilla expert.
Let me give him a call, I'll get right back to you.
Okay.
Roberto.
Walt at the stash.
You got a few seconds to come down
and check out a piece?
Oh, here he is-- Robert.
Hey, guys?
You know what year this is from, right?
I think it's, like, '93, '94.
- You got a box on the floor? - Yeah.
'Cause the box is a sure giveaway.
Like, right here it says "1991."
- Oh, yeah. - Oh.
So this is called "Heisei Godzilla."
Heisei was a style, like, post Showa.
Showa was from '54 to '80.
And then from '80 on it's called Heisei.
And he was actually the more carnivore--
It's almost got, like, a cat-like style
with the fangs.
Godzilla versus King Ghidorah was actually the first time
they used this style.
That's the film where they got the Dorats.
Yeah, when they went back in time to Monster Island.
- When Godzilla first-- - Yeah, that was crazy.
Yeah, that was just a goofy storyline.
Who's your favorite, uh, giant monster?
Just visually speaking, I've always liked MechaGodzilla.
A robot version of Godzilla.
- Who do you choose, man? - King Ghidorah.
The three-headed space dragon that wanders the galaxy
looking for worlds to destroy until he came upon Earth.
Why does that appeal to you?
You're, like, "I love the characters that just wanna
[bleep] Up everyone else's lives!"
[Laughter]
What were you thinking it was worth?
I saw online for, like, up to 900.
No, this figure never sold for $900.
New they probably went for
$150 to $175 range.
You didn't play with it very much.
But there's something that doesn't look quite right here.
It looks like...
Somebody glued this at one point.
Oh.
Somebody hot-glued it. 'Cause it normally would turn.
Did you break this when you were a kid?
I mean-- I think, like, it was broken
when I was, you know, a kid and my dad said he fixed it.
So you were trying to pass off a broken toy.
I didn't know.
You didn't know? You just said you knew.
I mean I didn't know it was gonna affect the price.
[Laughs]
Everything affects prices.
I mean, you don't buy a beat up car expecting
to pay full value, do you?
I mean, no.
So you're looking at a toy missing a tag.
No clean box.
But you did say that you were really interested in it.
I actually-- Yeah.
Do I want it? Sure, I want it.
I mean, I got a perfect place for it.
I've got about 50 Godzilla toys.
Robert, if you want it, feel free to negotiate.
It's hard enough to move this kind of piece
at that price anyway.
It's gotta be mint, in box.
No broken tail, so I'm out.
It's the best of both worlds for you.
You don't have to risk a dime and you get to watch
a master in action.
I get to see him operate.
He gets to lay back and enjoy it.
Yeah.
Did you ever think of eloping?
Especially since you're not gonna make much off of this.
I probably could go as much as 125,
but that would be my rock.
Gosh, man. This is rough.
It's not gonna go anywhere, and with a broken tail
it's probably about the value of it.
If you leave here and if we advertise it online--
- you put it online. - Right.
- It gets bid on. - Right.
High bidder gives you $65 and you ship it to my house.
[Laughs]
'Cause odds are that's what would happen.
But I mean I'm just thinking that I would feel comfortable
with 200.
I'd do 150 and that's it, that's my rock.
Even at $150, it's, like, too much.
What about you? What are you comfortable with?
I mean, I'm not comfortable...
I think he's just comfortable whatever she's comfortable with.
I think he's just not comfortable selling it at all.
And the fact that we're getting an offer
that's so much less, I mean-- I'm so sorry.
Look, I'll tell you-- I'll meet you halfway, 175.
- It's going in my collection. - It's really-- You know what?
- It's totally up to you, hon. - What's more important?
Godzilla in a box
or girlfriend in a wedding dress?
Aw.
So what do you say, 175?
- We'll go for 175. - Sold, 175.
- Thank you, thank you. - Rob, pay the lady.
[Laughs]
No offense, you guys,
but you're not invited to the wedding.
- Oh! - That's harsh.
But we might send you a plate of something.
- There you go. - Thank you.
- As a thank you. - No, we won't.
- No problem, thanks. - Bye, thank you.
- Bye. - Take care.
So I'm actually kind of psyched.
Honestly how often are you gonna grab that
and twist it around?
I'm never gonna touch it again.
Thanks, guys. Thank you very much.
No problem, rob. I owe you lunch again.
Thanks for coming down, man.
Hey, how you doing?
Justin? Yes.
I heard you were the man to call to make us
look as dead as possible.
Gory, blood. Not a problem.
You can start calling over the first person.
Awesome. Hey, Mike, you ready?
Jump on over.
I love how this feels. Is that weird?
I mean, I think this is probably the best idea
I've ever come up with.
All right, you're all set.
Awesome.
[Groaning]
[Scary orchestration]
♪ ♪
What do you think?
How's it feel?
- It feels, um-- - Sticky?
Sticky and, um--
Feels like you wanna rip it off?
Sort of, yeah.
Do you think ming took into consideration
how uncomfortable this might be for us?
I do.
All these hours him spent in the chair,
he could be doing actual work that he's getting paid for.
Instead of trying to come up with half-assed ideas
just so he can fulfill some sort of weird zombie fetish.
[Laughs]
I just wanna strangle him sometimes.
Squeeze the life right out of his face.
[Laughter]
How awesome is this?
Uh, I just don't see this manifesting itself
into the sales you dream of.
You've crapped on every idea I've ever come up with.
So I'm at the point where--
In all fairness to Walt, none have worked so far.
[Laughter]
Get your asses in the chair.
Me and Mike will watch the counter, let's go.
What's the best makeup job you've ever seen theatrically?
Um, I thought heath ledger's makeup as the joker
with those horrible scars-- but it looked real.
You bought it.
If you were twisted, you might do that.
Well, he wasn't, like, the meticulous crazy guy...
Right.
Who was, like, spending hours and hours.
He was, like, Pfft! Pfft! Unh!
[Laughter]
Which is even more terrifying.
But you gotta give it up to apes too back in the day.
I mean, I first saw that movie when I was a kid,
and the first time they zoom into--
- The cornfield? - Yes!
When the gorilla's on the horseback
and they just turn around and then turn
and you see his face.
As a kid you were, like, that gorilla's wearing clothes!
Like, we're all screwed!
So this is our studio for tonight.
A have a photo in mind entitled
"Zombie Anal Breach Birth."
[Laughter]
Sashay!
Look right at me.
Look again right at me. Yeah, you're good.
No, higher, higher.
- [Laughs] - I love it.
All right, we're done.
All right, was that fun or what?
I can't lie, ming. It was pretty damn cool.
All right, so it went from here today up to here.
Well, let's not get carried away.
Flyers come out, we'll see if it translates to sales.
I got a good feeling about this, ming.
All right, grease up the cash register.
It's gonna be ringing.
That drawer's gonna be ming in and out,
in and out, in and out.
[Laughter]
I got the flyers printed up. I have one right here.
Let me see.
- You wanna see it? - Yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God! That's cute, man.
Look, you hit both movies.
Day Of The Dead and The Walking Dead.
- Yeah. - And said "deal."
Look, we're exploiting the zombie trend.
[Laughter]
It wasn't an easy day.
It was a pain.
I mean, that stuff didn't come off,
it was days later, I was still picking pieces
of rubber cement off my scalp.
This sounds like you can't win.
He's, like, "You! Bring in more business!"
And you try-- He's, like, "You! This makeup hurts my baby skin!"
[Laughter]
- I can't win. - No, dude.
But you gotta keep struggling. Life's about the struggle.
The struggle against Walter Flanagan.
That's right, would you rather I just did nothing,
or would you rather I take the initiative
and at least try?
I'd rather you took the initiative,
but left me out of it.
[Laughter]
You know what, dude? You gotta come out wt with me.
- It's all pats on the back. - Yeah?
Yeah, it's never, like, "You screwed up again, Ming."
So you've been out there too long.
- You forgot your east coast-- - I got no edge.
I'm just like, "Everything's good!"
I'm too much of a stoner, man. I'm just like,
"It's fine, it'll pass.
Let's all go eat."
Hey, Walt. You're gonna wanna see these.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Where did you get this?
- At an old-time comic convention
back in the late '80s.
I don't even wanna tell you what I paid for them.
What are they worth now?
Did you get caught up in the, uh, '70s Kung Fu craze?
Uh, who didn't?
- Did it ever come in handy? - Once.
I only got into one fight in my life.
And the result?
I got my jaw broken, but I kicked his ass.
So it was a draw.
[Laughs]
You really got your jaw broken?
- Mm-hmm. - Are you serious?
- Yeah. - Were you drunk? Bar fight?
Did you argue over Jean grey? Greatest superhero?
Yeah, 'cause I used to get into ass-kicking fights
over superheroes.
Honestly, it wouldn't shock me if you told me that.
- No, actually-- - Come on, really.
If someone threw down, like,
"I think invisible girl is better than Jean Grey."
Is it that much of a shocker if you strike a Bruce Lee pose
over that?
- Hello. - Hi, how you doing?
- Whoa. - Whoo!
I'm guessing you wanna sell these?
Yeah.
My dad was a collector, and he gave them to me
for my 21st birthday,
and he said that I was to sell them
if I ever needed money to go back to school.
Pretty awesome birthday present.
- Yeah. - I got a wallet.
My parents didn't even put a dollar in it.
What did you get for your 21st birthday, Mike?
My father kicked me out of the house.
[Laughter]
Oh, man.
Oh, this is awesome.
Every key issue from the 60s from Marvel.
Ming, it's unbelievable.
Look at the number on that sucker.
- Number two. - Spider-man number two.
Only to be topped by number one.
Deuce.
It looks like it might be in decent condition.
The way it looks though, it's got drips all over it.
Oh!
First appearance of Galactus and Silver Surfer.
That doesn't look like it's in bad condition at all.
- Oh! - Daredevil number one.
- Whoa. - Oh, wow.
Matt Murdoch, the blind lawyer from hell's kitchen.
He fights crime by day and by night.
That's the great part about him.
Well, he doesn't know if it's day or night, does he?
[Laughter]
Well, I mean I'm sure there's
someone there to tell him.
It's such a key book of course, but the condition--
a professional grader will really bring it down.
I mean, the cover is hanging on for dear life.
What else you got?
Oh!
This is my favorite comic book of all time right here.
This is maybe Stan Lee's finest hour.
It's a story called "This Man, This Monster."
Where some man on the street who's jealous
of the fantastic four uses a device that turns him
into the thing.
And then he goes into the Baxter building
to kill the fantastic four.
Wow.
This is the one that made me go,
"Forget Shakespeare, this is the greatest story ever told."
My Sunday school classes were, like,
"Well, no, that's not the greatest story ever told."
And I was just like, "I don't think you've read it,
'cause it is."
[Laughs]
Is there a greater friendship in comic books than the
Reed Richards-Ben Grimm friendship?
Reed Richards is always trying to find a cu for Ben?
Is that the basis? Think about it.
Reed Richards' mistake, by bringing them out
in outer space, turned his best friend
into an inhuman monster.
Yes.
But that inhuman monster has such a heart
and is such a great guy, he never held it against Reed.
Right.
I just think that, like, you know,
Reed never forgives himself for it, you know?
Is he tortured?
Is that why he's got the gray on the sides?
He's, like, "Oh, I ruined Ben!"
I think that could be why, you know?
I mean, it's a lot of stress.
Do you think his wife is ever, like,
"What about me? You ruined me." He's, like, "No, you look good.
You're not like the rock guy. Look at him."
[Laughter]
They are old, and there are some
very key issues in here, but the conditions
are going to bring the prices down immensely.
I understand that.
These survived two childhoods, my dad's and mine.
- I read these. - Oh, you're a fan?
Yeah.
I'm still one of the few girls into any comic book shop
I ever walk into.
What would you say
the breakdown in secret stash is, Mike?
99 guys for every girl that comes in.
It's like a turkish bathhouse in here.
- [Laughs] - So, um...
How much do you think college is gonna cost you?
College is gonna cost me tens of thousands of dollars.
- But any little bit helps. - All right.
Do you have any idea what you're looking for
for your collection?
I don't, actually.
My neighbor offered me, like, 1,000 for it.
For this box? 1,000?
Yeah, I would imagine you can get more than 1,000
for the box, um...
You're looking at maybe eight grand.
Oh, wow.
Awesome.
What you should do
is get yourself an overstreet price guide.
Don't allow me, someone like me, a store clerk to come in
and make you an offer on this box
without getting a little bit more educated
on what you have in here.
But I'm sure you'll field some offers for this box.
- It's that good. - Awesome, thank you so much.
- No problem. - Thank you.
- See you later. - Take care.
Were you more likely to give her that advice
'cause she's a female?
Is that when your superhero comes out?
You, like, strike that stance, you're, like,
"Ma'am, you've got some nice silver age books here.
That douchebag down the street is trying to do you wrong."
[Laughs]
I've gotta be honest, I mean it's, like,
when you're paying for what you got, I don't even know.
They're genderless?
- All I know is just-- - I buy that on him.
He sees dollar signs.
He cares about dudes. Andrew Jackson.
- Ben Franklin. - Benji.
Batman.
These are the men he cares about.
Any one of the iconic monsters that are out there,
which one would you guys be?
Excuse me, what kind of monster would I be?
- You get to choose your curse. - Mm-hmm.
- You know, um, a vampire, a werewolf--
Right, right. I mean, immediately I'm Dracula.
You have the vampire brides-- It's always sexy time
when you're Dracula.
But there are some vampires who really are conflicted
about what they have to do to survive, though.
Mm-hmm.
Can you feed on blood?
Clearly I can feed on anything.
[Laughter]
Anything.
I ate a styrofoam cooler earlier today.
Blood is not a problem.
- Hey. - How'd it go?
It was awesome. I just blanketed red bank.
So tomorrow's the big day then, right?
- Yeah. - We're ready to rock?
Extended hours?
Yeah, we're gonna stay open late.
We're gonna stay open as late as it takes.
Look at that, man. That is killer.
Wow. Oh, my God.
This is it. This is my holy grail.
- Batman's just a guy. - He's a vigilante.
Yeah, we've all felt like,
"Man, I wanna avenge this injustice."
So you sit there and, like,
"I could do that. Like, if I really got in shape
and I had the right costume, only went out at night."
Me and this fool went to Brookdale community college
and took criminology courses.
Because at one point we were, like,
"maybe we could, like, fight crime in the area."
And it wasn't even one class. We took multiple law classes.
Criminology, juvenile justice.
'Cause apparently we were gonna take on
the criminal underworld in the teenage community.
- That's where we started. - And worked our way up.
Like, we literally thought about it,
and we were just, like, "You know, we wouldn't need,
like, a whole bat cave, but a secret garage would be nice."
You know, we just do up one of the cars
and go out at night and right wrongs.
And what wrongs were there to right?
How old were you guys?
25...
[Laughter]
I mean, it was right before Clerks.
Thank God Clerks happened, cause otherwise me and him
would be running around town in masks.
[Bell dings]
- Hey, man, how you doing? - Good, how are you?
You need any help? Looking for anything special?
Yeah, I was looking to see if you guys
had the McFarlane tortured souls?
- Tortured souls. - Yeah.
We do have those ones. Yeah, we do have them.
Really?
We got one set of tortured souls.
- You have the whole set? - We got the whole set.
They're probably the most insane toy I've ever seen.
They're literally toys sculpted in the most heinous,
grotesque, torture and agony.
So you're into this stuff, huh? You're into torture?
A little S&M?
- No, I just-- I had them. - You had these?
Yeah, I did, I had 'em all.
My brothers and I love this gross stuff.
But I had to get rid of them and--
You had to get rid of them?
- Yeah. - Why?
My girlfriend hated them,
and I had to get rid of them.
What, they're just too creepy?
She didn't like them. She thought they were weird.
Well, come on!
You got a dude who's got, like,
some sort of weird fetus growing out of his groin.
These tortured souls dolls just never, never
should have been made, man.
They were made by-- What was it? McFarlane?
McFarlane, based on Clive Barker's designs.
So you got Todd McFarlane working from designs by
Clive Barker, the very twisted writer Clive Barker.
And these dolls, man, they were the kind of things
that get people pissed.
Were people pissed when these dolls came out?
There was definitely some reaction to it.
I mean, they are the most horrific torture, um, bloody--
Just grotesque looking dolls that I've ever come across
in collecting.
Beyond, like, S&M type stuff.
It's, like-- It truly is like visions of hell,
like, molded into plastic.
Did you have them in a closet,
or did you have them proudly displayed
where everybody could see them?
Proudly displayed.
I had, like a mantle, set them up in the place.
Do you think, you know, you could turn them, like--
I don't know, put them in a box and just--
No, that's less offensive.
That's less scary, right?
Like, if your girlfriend's rummaging through some stuff
and she finds all this stuff tucked away
like you're hiding it, then it seems weirder--
Right.
Then if you've got it out there and you're, like,
"This is me, this is Jeff, baby.
"I dig torture.
Me and my brother, we dig torture."
I laid it all out there, she didn't like my crazy.
- She didn't wanna hear it? - No.
You could label the box, "Don't look in this box, honey."
- Right. - Right?
That wouldn't have set off any alarms.
[Laughter]
So now she's turned around on it?
She doesn't mind the tortured souls anymore?
Or she's out of the picture.
Yeah, she, uh--
- look at the look on this guy's face.
I'm gonna assume the latter. [Laughs]
- [Sighs] - What happened?
Uh, she cheated on me.
- Really? - Oh, wow.
Yeah, yeah.
Under what circumstances? How did it happen?
She's a singer, he's a piano player.
Really? They told you in song?
No.
She's like, "I gotta tell you
a story about a pianist, all right?
You're not gonna wanna hear it."
Please tell me that you had some awesome,
like, revenge or retribution.
This is it, this is my revenge.
You're gonna go back and buy all this stuff in hopes of what?
Getting back his cojones a little bit.
- Really? - Right?
It symbolizes getting your nuts back?
I think so.
Buying this bizarre, weird, fetish line of toys--
- Yeah. - You're becoming a man again.
What do they go for?
Uh, right now, I mean, they're pretty hard to find.
We're selling them for 75 a piece.
That's a lot of coin.
That's a lot of torture though as well.
What do you do for a guy like this?
The merchant in you of course wants to move these dolls
in a big, bad way.
They're eyesores, to be kind.
The feng shui of the whole store is ruined by these dolls.
But at the same time, you also want to help a dude
heal a little bit.
So what do you do in this situation?
We're offering the, uh, five figures for 375.
Okay.
But, you know, since he kind of
touched my heart a little bit,
I did give him a deal.
With a story that sad, you must hear, like,
that Hulk music, right?
[Laughter]
The sad hulk music.
So what if I did, like, 150 for all of them?
[Laughs]
Let me offer you less than half.
Who else is coming, asking for these gross things?
Come on, man. I feel bad for you.
Okay.
But not that bad that I'm gonna go less than half price.
They really weren't sold in a lot of stores.
I mean, can you see this on a toy store shelf
where the kids walk in, you're, like,
"Mommy, I want an agonistes."
"All the other kids have them."
250, my friend.
250?
That 250 not only buys
the set of "Tortured Souls" --
- It buys my manhood back? - Yeah.
- They'll be swinging so low... - Elephantitis.
Mm-hmm.
They're gonna think you're disfigured, basically,
is what he's saying.
- 250. - 250?
Okay, I can do 250.
All right, man.
You got it, 250.
You are all set.
Now this is the beginning.
- Carry them proudly, man. - With pride, head up.
Let the world know you're back.
All right. Thanks again, guys.
All right, man. Thanks, Jeff.
- What's going on, man? - Today's the big day.
- Show me, show me. - Check it out.
- Oh! - Look at that.
- Awesome. - Oh, I want that.
All you gotta do is put a picture up there
and people flock in.
How you doing?
My name's ming, I work at the secret stash over here.
Oh, hi.
We're running a huge sale right now.
- Do you like zombies? - No, but my husband does.
- Oh, that's fantastic. - Yeah.
- Hey, Walt. - Yeah.
Ming's got a hot chick outside.
I don't know about this.
Look how handsome these devils are.
That one's me by the way.
You know what that usually means.
No money, no interest-- So who cares?
Show me a fat, ugly dude.
That's where I see dollars.
I think where he fails to understand is
our demo.
Most people walking into our store look like us.
They're kind of meek and mousy.
Overweight guys who tuck their black shirts
into their jeans this tight, and then their bellies
are hanging out.
Easy, easy.
I'm not feeling good about myself.
He thinks that, like, cute girls in their uggs
or in their coach bags are interested in
shambling, rotting zombies.
And buying superhero or horror related merchandise.
You gotta go after the dudes.
How you doing?
- Do you like zombies, ma'am? - No.
No? Have a good day.
- You like zombies? - What?
Zombies. Zombies? Zombies?
- Do you like zombies? - Pardon me?
- Do you like zombies? - No!
Ming, we're not appealing to zombies.
We're selling zombie stuff. [Sighs]
Hi, how are you doing? What's your dog's name?
- George. - How are you doing, George?
Check it out. We're doing a huge promotion day.
"Day of The Walking Deal." Do you like zombies?
- No, I don't. - Whew.
I'm sorry.
Do you want it back? [Dog barking]
Demographics! Fat, dorky dudes.
Let me do my thing out here,
you guys make your sales in there, all right?
There's nobody in there to sell anything to!
- Money's no object. - What the hell?
How much you want for all three of them?
- 12,000. - Oh, my God.
I can't even tell you-- I feel like I'm gonna be sick.
Hey, guys.
- Rob Bruce! - How's everybody?
How you doing, man?
You told me that you're looking for original artwork?
Yeah.
My buddy cliff, he brought some, uh,
pages from a, uh, Silver Surfer book.
- What? - For you to look at, yeah.
Silver Surfer? Which Silver Surfer?
It's from the hardcover graphic novel by--
No way!
- Stan Lee and John Buscema. - Buscema.
- Yup. - Oh, wow.
- I got three pages. - No way!
Wow.
The quintessential Silver Surfer artist,
John Buscema.
I've never seen you this excited before.
I've been looking for buscema artwork
of the surfer forever, man.
I've always connected with John buscema Silver Surfer.
I think if it's not on par with Kirby Surfer--
Right.
It's barely-- It's insignificant.
- It's a minor difference. - Yeah.
- It's that powerful. - Gretzky, Lemieux.
It's so-- It's, like, one chunk of wonderful or another.
And, um, I've never seen John Buscema
original art of the Silver Surfer
come in here since we've been open.
The entire history of the stash,
nobody's ever come in with--
Nobody's ever brought it in and I've always wanted
a page from that series.
Any page.
Good lord, man.
This is amazing. Where did you get this?
Well, I got it, uh, at a comic convention--
Old-time comic convention back in the late '80s.
That was a long time ago.
Why are these word balloons so yellow?
They look like they're almost coming off the page.
Well, that's what makes these things so classic.
They don't make comics like this anymore.
They make them in a computer.
They used to ink the page and then take the word balloons
and then wax them on.
So these are two different pieces of paper--
Two different kinds of paper.
And now they're separating and the wax is causing
some kind of chemical reaction, it's actually changing colors.
So this is true art.
I mean, you don't see it like this anymore.
Now this is when comics were comics and men were men.
[Laughter]
Yeah, that's true.
Oh, my God.
I can't even tell you-- I feel like I'm gonna be sick.
There are some things that a man just lusts for.
Yearns for. He must have.
- Money's no object. - What?
I like this.
Who are you and what have you done with Walt Flanagan?
This is it. This is my holy grail.
Who are you guys' holy grails?
I sold the comic book collection to make Clerks.
And I had a sandman statue.
I would like to find the sandman statue again.
But not just, like, you know, they put out
150-200 of them or whatever.
I want the one that was mine.
[Laughter]
You got a holy grail, Ming?
Remember that jet-firing boba fett
that they pulled?
Yeah, yeah, they made one and then somebody was like,
"You can't have children with this,
they'll shoot it up their nose."
But there were prototypes
that got out in the wild somehow.
I want one of those.
Zap?
Uh, the cover to Avengers 151, by Kirby.
I would love that, where cap's telling everyone to face front.
What about you, sir, there's gotta be some sort of
geek thing that even you're after?
Maybe not comic book oriented, but--
Does a car count?
[Laughter]
How much you want for all three of them?
I was looking for 12,000 for the set.
Oh, my God.
I gotta have one of them, man.
Well that's the thing, I was thinking about
selling them as a t.
Okay, so you won't even entertain buying just one.
Okay, all right.
Would you take, um...
Would you take seven?
- No. - Unh.
I mean, they only made one of each of these.
- Right. - That's it.
And he sat there and he drew them.
So all right, so how about eight then?
25... 25 would be 5. 8,000 right here.
We know you didn't pay 8,000 for these.
That's a-- You're making a big, big profit off these.
Got to do it what it's worth today.
It's the only one in the world.
Um...
How about nine?
9,000...$9,000.
Make it 9,500 and you got a deal.
92. 92. Come on, man.
92.
It's really, really all I got, man.
Come on, man.
All right, look, look, look, you seem like you're
gonna give 'em a good home.
I'm gonna.
92.
92-- Oh, you don't wanna shake this hand.
It's sweaty and nasty.
- Just wipe it off. - Shake Ming's hand, that'll do.
- You sure? - Yeah, shake for me.
- I'm making your deal for you. - Yeah, make the deal for me.
- You're sure? - Yeah.
All right, 92.
Give the man $9,200. You shook it.
[Laughter]
Go break open that piggy bank. [Cash register rings]
Why do I let him fool me?
I don't know, man, the whole town shuts down
in 20 minutes.
Then what?
I don't wanna hear the word "zombie" anymore.
I don't know who's worse then, me for actually believing
anything that comes out of that idiot's mouth, or him.
For being an idiot?
Run me a bath and find me a razor.
[Laughs]
- I don't know-- Losing steam. - [Laughs] Really?
Yeah.
Oh, my God, I can't wait to report this to Walt.
- No! - He's defeated.
[Laughs]
The young, spirited man that you saw this morning,
I think he's broken.
Call him in here and end this embarrassment, please.
- Time to face the music. - [Sighs]
Ming. Ming, Ming, Ming.
Explain to me what happened here today.
It just wasn't our day.
We would have to beat the customers off with a stick.
- That's what I was told. - We had people in here.
It worked. What was the grand total?
The grand total was $37.88.
Come on, it was $37 you wouldn't have made otherwise.
Now you're just being delusional.
Yeah, the flyers cost more than 37 bucks.
[Laughter]
Even if I fail, I'll learn something from it.
All right, let's sum it up right here.
Everybody listen in to this.
Ming's gonna tell us what he learned today.
I mean, I learned that I should probably
get another job somewhere else.
That's what I learned.
[Laughter]
Marketing is not all about how much money you make.
Marketing is getting the word out.
Maybe they didn't spend money, but maybe they're gonna
tell their husbands or their boyfriends or...
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that marketing is all about
making money.
I think that's pretty much the definition,
but I could be wrong.
That's for sure. But I see what you're saying.
You put in some ground work.
Maybe we don't see the sales right now,
but maybe it translates to sales six years from now.
[Laughter]
That's what he said. You miss 100% of the shots
you never take, and Alicia took the shot.
- I'm taking the shot! - But your shot broke a window, essentially.
And we didn't really pan out... But, keep trying,
keep reaching for the stars.
- I'm going to! - Don't get hostile about it!
You're like, I will Batman! You'll see!
All right, so that's it.
Let's * it up and go home.
- All right. - Another day...
And no dollars.
I think that's gonna wrap it up, man,
for another episode of comic book men. Thanks for hanging out and listening
- to Kevin Smith. - Walt Flanagan.
- Bryan Johnson. - Ming Chen.
- Michael Zapcic. - Life's in four colors, folks!
Go live it or at least weed it. Good night.
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com